Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Veteran's Day



Today is Veteran's Day.  When an entire nation celebrates and remembers the lives of those who served their country it can be sad for many.  I feel the pain of those who have suffered losses.  It is something that we, as humans come to expect as part of our life experience.  Yes, we experience death at some time in our lives...death of parents, of children...of spouses...loved ones and friends.  We mourn and suffer.  We miss those who are no longer with us.  There is a hole in our lives that creates an empty space that gradually fills with other things, people, and activities but there is always a small dent...a footprint  on the surface where our loved ones once walked.  Today we gaze at that footprint and remember the ones whose shoes made that impression.  We give thanks, we honor, we celebrate, we offer gratitude, we provide programs, sympathetic words, support for those who have lost loved ones.  We explain, treat, and try to understand  those who return from the wars with PTSD. We applaud, sing praises, and give parades for those who have served.
What we don't do well is to understand how to tap into that part of ourselves that feels, loves, and exists in the universal realm.  It is that part that doesn't feel loss.  It is the part that knows that there is a presence in the Universe that is always there. It was, is and will be.  It is the God, the Creator, the Universal One, the Collective Whole or whatever one's belief system chooses to call it.  It is the love that sustains us.  It is the light that illuminates.  It is the forever in our hearts and souls.  It is the buried knowledge deep within each of us...in our cellular memory that tells us that our loved ones never leave us; they simply depart from their human forms.  Their love, their legacies, remain while their energetic selves have dissipated and spread throughout the cosmos leaving only small amounts behind on Earth.
I am reminded that life is an adventure filled with pathos, achievements, sacrifices, disappointments and incredible 'highs' that keep us engaged, keep us interested, keep us working to make things better every day.  Most of all, life provides us with a little insight into what love is...what it REALLY is. I don't think that as humans we are capable of understanding  or knowing what Universal love is all about but if we try to get in touch with that part of ourselves that remembers our immortal being we will feel that love shine through.  It is a Euphoric love and feeling that is pure light. Finding that part of us today will help to cope with the losses of our loved ones.  I like to think that there is no part of who they were and who they are now that is sad or negative.  They, as the expression of life lived it exactly as it was intended and are now reviewing their great adventures.
Do I feel this?  Yes!  Am I reminded of this when I close my eyes and sleep? Yes!  It is the deep knowing that brings comfort.











Saturday, November 7, 2015

Am I happy?



An automated phone survey from my health care provider asked me if I was happy (among other questions).  Happy?  Hmmm....well I lost lots of sleep last night with my mother's tromping around and calling out to us that she was awake.  Happy?  I was concerned over the continuing diminished mental capacity she exhibits.  Happy?  I worry about everything from hangnails to the state of the world.  Happy?  My clothes are too tight on me and I neither have the desire or will power to lose weight right now.  Happy?  I had to think about my answer.  There was no time.  The annoying Artificial Intelligence pressed me to answer.  I had to pick a number between 1 and 5.  I had to review , assess, and decide.  I replied "2".  NO!  I should have said "4!"   I wanted to explain.  I wanted to talk to a real person and tell her about my life.  I wanted to be heard.    I yearned for the opportunity to say what was troubling me.
"You see, it's my mother," I wanted to tell the computerized voice.  "She's  got Alzheimer's.  It's very difficult for us right now.  We take care of her.  We handle all of her needs.  It is very sad to watch her gradual decline and to be truly happy."
"Have you experienced depression in the past month?"
"Well of course I have!  Didn't I just tell you about my mother?"
"Have you had thoughts of suicide in the past month?"
"Now you're just being silly.  Life is too important.  I have way too much to live for.  I have a wonderful life.  Oh sure there are some speed bumps but I am so fortunate to have a loving family, a fantastic husband,  health, a good mind (some might dispute this!) and a perfect memory.  (Okay...I took artistic license here.)
"Have you been hospitalized, suffered a heart attack; do you have diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure?  Has your husband left you for another woman...a younger, cuter, thinner model?  Are you able to take yourself to the grocery store, to meetings, to the bathroom?  Are you totally dependent on someone else? Are you sitting on a street corner begging for food?  Are you fearful that you might awaken to bombs exploding around you? Are you an orphan? Are you wandering in the wasteland eating grub worms?"
"Oh my God!  Stop already.   I get it.  I am a 5 on the happiness scale.  I'm sorry.  I was mistaken.  I AM happy!  I don't care if I miss a little sleep to be able to spend more time with my mother.  I don't care if she annoys me with some of her bad habits and lack of understanding.  It really doesn't matter because I know that I am getting an opportunity that many do not have. I cherish the moments I still have with her.  Happy? Yes.  Grateful?  Yes...very, very grateful.