Dear God; I've been meaning to ask you....

Dear God;

I have been meaning to talk to you for a while now but recent developments have pushed me to finally do it!  I have a few questions for you.  I thought that I would wait and ask you when  I get to Heaven (that's assuming I will go to Heaven., and, uh, I guess I shouldn't presume to know that.  Oh, and I don't mean that I will actually get to talk to you; and if you are busy and stuff with running the whole Universe I can just talk to one of your assistants; but...well, never mind.  I'm just gonna lay it all out on the table now instead.)  

Anyway, I thought that maybe I could trouble you to talk about this--what with the immediacy of the situation.  Again, I understand that you are a little busy so I am happy to get the answer from one of your assistants.  But you know, it would be nice to talk to you if it's not too much trouble.

Oh, that's really nice of you to say it's no trouble at all.

So, here's the thing; I have been saying for a while now that I should ask you "What's the deal about mosquitoes and ticks? Why them?"  I mean, I can understand snakes and spiders and even some disgusting parasites,  but ticks and mosquitoes are a whole other thing.  They don't seem to have any use at all.  I usually think about this when I'm kind of busy and maybe a little annoyed. I just never seem to get around to asking though.  It seems like a kind of small thing to bother you about. But events of late have really gotten me thinking about you...wanting to talk to you.  I guess that you must have a quirky sense of humor.  I think that it can seem kinda funny when you stand outside and look at things from your perspective. But I am having some trouble seeing the humor right now.  

So, can we discuss this...Alzheimer's?  Why is that funny?  I know that my patience is being tested but honestly couldn't you just get me stuck in heavy traffic, or make me late for an appointment every once in a while?  How about letting the dog tear up the lawn or maybe just keep pestering me with random robo calls? You can add a healthy dose of gophers and voles eating our plants.  Yeah, that would be fine too, but when it's about dealing with my mother 24-7, when I am changing sheets and night clothes, when I am having to sterilize her entire room every morning; when I am dropping everything to stop her from doing something awful, eating her hearing aid, causing herself some injury, keeping her from choking on her food,  blowing her nose in her clothes, throwing up on the carpet, going to the bathroom but not going in the bathroom; yeah, that's really a test of my patience!

 Look, we already know that I'm flawed...deeply flawed.  So what are we doing here testing me?  Is it just for kicks and giggles that you gotta rub it in?  I'm sorry.  I mean no disrespect.  I accept that this is not my forte.  I am horrible at this caregiver thing.  I am learning as I go but I don't have it in me to be good at it.  I know this.  I acknowledge it.  I could tell you stories and cite examples but of course you already know.   This is all so stressful and as I am told over and over, stress kills.  

What?  WHAT?!  Are you just waiting to see how long it will take to get me to crack?!  What then?  Who takes care of Mom then?  Look, she's almost 99 years old.  Oh yeah, sorry, you know that.  I don't need to remind you.  So she deserves a nice peaceful life and not have someone pestering her to eat her veggies, drink some water, do this and don't do that.  I feel awful about telling her what to do every minute.  But without me reminding her to move, she just sits in one spot shuffling her placemat back and forth on the counter.  So what's the purpose with that?  Oh, and as long as we're on the subject of purpose, what's up with my purpose?  I'd really like to know because every time I get focused on one thing, one direction, one path I get diverted.  My days are crazy enough without constant changes, challenges, and upheavals.  Oh, sorry.  I don't mean to complain.  No, no I mean I'm really grateful to you for all you have given me.  It's just that I can't seem to see the direction all this is going and why.  

What's that?  Huh?  Ohhhh.  You mean that I don't need to figure this out alone, that we're partners in this.  Just trust in you.  I remember now.  Trust that it is all good.  Okay.  So what you're saying is to allow this to happen and the purpose will reveal itself at the right time.  Hmm.  I think I understand.  I don't need to appreciate or even know the plan.  Just like I don't need to know why the sun shines and the Earth rotates on its axis.  I just trust that it will continue and it's all good. 

Okay, Yeah. I guess that makes me feel a little better knowing that you're in charge. I'm not alone here.  No, come to think of it, actually it makes me feel a lot better...a whole lot better!  Wow, I...I feel like a heavy weight was just lifted off my shoulders.

Thanks God.  Good talk. We can discuss mosquitoes and ticks some other time.