The Real-Live-Honest-to-Goodness-All-Out-No-Holes-Barred No-Pity Party

I was watching the morning news and saw something about a couple visiting Hawaii.   I was already grumpy, lacking sleep, and feeling trapped by the continuous need to watch and care for my mother.  It had been a bad week filled with episodes requiring clean ups, corrections, and out-of-the-ordinary attention.  I was tired and fed up.  I could feel it building inside of me, the frustration, the trapped feeling that was more and more prevalent.  Regardless of how much I hated the fact that I was being impatient and irrational, I couldn't seem to snap out of it. So when the photos of Hawaii flashed on the TV screen I burst into tears.  I immediately thought back to better times, to vacations of yesteryear, to personal freedom to get away when I needed a break from the day-to-day activities.

Oh poor me!  Boo Hoo.

In fairness, it has been over two years of non-stop, cannot escape, no vacations, no fun-filled nights away, no date nights without worrying about getting home in time to pay the sitter, and of boring days of repetitive activity watching a woman who engages in constant fidgeting, mindless wandering, and TV watching.

So, today, as I felt like I might murder someone if I didn't do something...and do something fast, I walked outside.  I walked around the driveway trying to burn off a little anger.  I was deep in the throws of a pity-party.  I began to cry as I walked in a circle on the hot pavement. The day was already warm but a cool breeze blew on my face and I thought of Hawaii...how the trade winds relieved the heat and humidity.  Oh how I wished that I could be there.  As I was wallowing in my misery something happened.  My mind shifted.  I decided that I would throw a party., location -- Hawaii!  I would be the guest of honor.  I immediately began planning.  Food would include my favorite guilty pleasures: Licorice Twizzlers, Fried Chicken, and ice cream, French Fries, Pizza, watermelon, potato chips, and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate.  I would drink Mai Tai cocktails, and play Luau music.  (This of course was all in my imagination since my party was in my head.) I moved my center of operations out to the screened porch, donned a Hawaiin Lei,  sprayed myself with Plumeria essential oil and sat back on a rocking chair with eyes closed.  Immediately I was boarding an airplane to Hawaii.  Within seconds I was lying on the beach listening to the waves breaking on the sand, feeling the caress of island trade winds. I heard laughter nearby and smelled the unmistakable coconut butter fragrance of sun-tan lotions long ago eschewed for their lack of protection against the sun's harmful rays.  I sipped an icy Mai Tai out of a bottomless frosted glass.  The sugar and alcohol did not give me heartburn.  I didn't get bloated, full or drunk.  I ate my fried chicken to my heart's content savoring the salt, the crispy crust, the deep-fried batter without feeling like I was instantly retaining a gallon of water.  I ate all of the potato chips I could cram into my mouth without worrying about clogged arteries.  I chomped on Twizzlers without concern over lost fillings or ruined crowns.  I ate the watermelon, fries, and pizza assured that I was rounding out the healthy food groups.  The chocolate?  Well, hey...because it's, uh, CHOCOLATE! The medical benefits alone are enormous.

The party continued all day. The sun was setting and some surfers came by asking if I wanted to join them at their bonfire.  We sat singing songs and listening to the fading sounds of lazy gulls as they dove for their evening meals before the sun dipped into the horizon.  Someone suggested a Limbo contest and we bent and twisted our bodies to the strains of a familiar dance tune.  I was surprisingly limber and won the contest.  As the reigning Limbo Queen I was lifted onto the shoulders of two buff young Adonises who paraded me around the bonfire.  Everyone cheered.  When I was finally returned to my chaise, I adjusted my size 5 bikini and sat down to more cocktails, laughter and music.  This was a great party.  In fact, throwing a pity-party was a fantastic idea.

It was 10:30 in the morning.  I had spent the last 15 minutes wallowing in non-pity, self-indulgent make-believe and I felt great.  Whereas 15 minutes earlier I had worried about my mind holding dark and frightening thoughts, I now marveled at the power of mental escape.  I highly recommend a real-live-honest-to-goodness-all-out-no-holes-barred No-Pity Party for those of you who want to indulge in a little self-pity every so often!