Several of my friends have suggested that I have a conversation with my mother about, um...well... transitioning. It's not an easy discussion. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was encouraging her to exit...to go towards the light. However, she does seem a bit stuck here. She's not having fun but doesn't know how to exit. Mom goes through the day, a zombie. There is little cognition and no interaction. However, this afternoon she seemed to have a lucid moment so I seized the opportunity. Mom was sitting on the porch rocking. I stepped outside to have a little talk and maybe get some clarity on 'why' she feels the need to hang around even if her spirit seems somewhere else. I don't know what I was expecting but thought that it was worth speaking those words often left unspoken. I figured that she, who was closer to communicating with the great beyond might have something profound to say.
Me: Do you ever think about dying?
Me: Why not?
Mom: I'm too busy. I don't think about those things. (I had to laugh since she does nothing but stare at nothing, eat, and sleep)
Me: Are you afraid of dying?
Me: What happens when you die?
Me: (changing the subject) Do you ever see your husband, Nick?
Me: Where is he?
Mom: I guess he's in Heaven.
Me: So does he come visit you?
Me: Where's your mother?
Mom: Maybe in Heaven.
Me: So does she come visit you?
Me: So does anyone in Heaven come see you?
Mom: Shaking head.
(This is not going well.)
Me: Where do you think you will go when you die?
Mom: I don't know. I don't think about those things.
Me: Why not?
Mom: I'm too busy to think about those things.
Me: What keeps you so busy?
Mom: (shrugging.) Whatever is going on. You know, lots of things.
Me: Okay then, I can see you're busy sitting on the porch, in the chair and rocking right now--staring at the trees. I'll go back to work inside. Thanks. Good talk!
Mom returned to her rocking and staring. Maybe that is why I don't hear her talking to 'unseen' people anymore. She's just way too busy.