Controlling Interest

About 10 years ago I had an epiphany. My husband Skip and I were driving in a new car and listening to some music that didn't appeal to us. I reached over to the car radio buttons. I hesitated for a moment to look at the controls trying to figure out what to do. Finding the right button I depressed it to change stations. Like a flash, Skip pushed his fingers to hit the button again.
"What are you doing?" I yelled.
"I'm changing the station," he answered definitively.
"I know that," I answered with a heavy dose of sarcasm. "Didn't you see that I was already changing it?"
Skip didn't answer. This did not make me happy. I wanted an explanation for his behavior. "Don't you think I can change a radio station?" I pushed for an explanation.
"You were doing it wrong," he mumbled.
"What? WHAT?! How could I be doing it wrong? That's ridiculous." To demonstrate that I knew what to do I reached over to change the station again. "Where's NPR?" I asked as I moved closer to the button. Skip's hand was there covering the controls. He brushed my hand away. Unwilling to yield to his knob-pushing prowess, I persevered. I pushed his hand away and studied the controls. A split second later, Skip answered my push with a shove. Before I knew it we were having a push and shove fight with our fingers. We were like a couple of four year olds. We were getting angrier with each assault of the other's index finger. Skip won delivering the station I sought. I was immediately angry and silent. (That's always a bad sign).
Skip wore a victorious expression as he returned his attention to his driving. I however, didn't want to drop the subject and allowed my anger to foment as I thought how bullying it was of my husband to push my hand away. Suddenly it came to me--my epiphany! After so many years of marriage I discovered that he was a control freak!
Oh my G-A-W-D!!! I was married to a CONTROL FREAK!
I was about ready to let him know what I thought of him when it occurred to me that I had given as good as I got (so to speak.) Oh no. There was my bigger epiphany: we were both control freaks. This newfound enlightenment came as not only a surprise but an embarrassment. How could I have overlooked something so obvious? We had been married for...like...uh...FOR-EVER! I couldn't wait to share my revelation. "Hey Skip. Guess what? We are BOTH control freaks." I made this declaration like one might announce that she had received a special award.
Skip thought for a moment and then grudgingly agreed. "I guess that's not too good," he observed.
I nodded in agreement. It became a somber moment as I considered the ramifications. Putting a name on it helped me understand past squabbles. I reviewed the time I told Skip to stop pulling weeds because I was unhappy that he was removing the 'greenery' on our front hill when we were having a party the next day. He continued weeding thus ignoring my attempt to control the situation, and asserting his own control. There were lots of examples that led us to don our battle gear. Aha! Now I understood.
The problem with seeing one's personality deficits is the strong desire to sweep them under the carpet. There was no question that this was a huge blow to each of our self esteems. Perhaps it was best to ignore this knowledge.
Well, as I said when I began; that was 10 years ago. Since then nothing has changed. In fact it may have served to highlight our imperfections and elevate them. I believe that each of us wears our self discovery as a badge of honor. We make no excuses. We embrace our differences and indulge our...um...' similarities'.
I sometimes think that even when we are old and decrepit we will still continue to vie for control of every situation; neither of us willing to give ground to the other. I can see us now. Skip and I will have walker wars as we struggle to reach the TV remote before the other. We may be shuffling and drooling but, alas, we will still be card-carrying Control Freaks!