Dear God;
I have been meaning to
talk to you for a while now but recent developments have pushed me to finally
do it! I have a few questions for
you. I thought that I would wait and ask
you when I get to Heaven (that's
assuming I will go to Heaven., and, uh, I guess I shouldn't presume to know
that. Oh, and I don't mean that I will
actually get to talk to you; and if you are busy and stuff with running the
whole Universe I can just talk to one of your assistants; but...well, never mind. I'm just gonna lay it all out on the table
now instead.)
Anyway, I thought that
maybe I could trouble you to talk about this--what with the immediacy of the
situation. Again, I understand that you
are a little busy so I am happy to get the answer from one of your
assistants. But you know, it would be
nice to talk to you if it's not too much trouble.
Oh, that's really nice
of you to say it's no trouble at all.
So, here's the
thing; I have been saying for a while now that I should ask you "What's
the deal about mosquitoes and ticks? Why them?" I mean, I can understand snakes and spiders
and even some disgusting parasites,
but ticks and mosquitoes are a whole other thing. They don't seem to have any use at all. I usually think about this when I'm kind of
busy and maybe a little annoyed. I just never seem to get around to asking
though. It seems like a kind of small
thing to bother you about. But events of late have really gotten me thinking
about you...wanting to talk to you. I
guess that you must have a quirky sense of humor. I think that it can seem kinda funny when you
stand outside and look at things from your perspective. But I am having some
trouble seeing the humor right now.
So, can we discuss this...Alzheimer's? Why is that funny? I know that my patience is being tested but
honestly couldn't you just get me stuck
in heavy traffic, or make me late for an appointment every once in a while? How about letting the dog tear up the lawn or
maybe just keep pestering me with random robo calls? You can add a healthy dose of gophers and
voles eating our plants. Yeah, that
would be fine too, but when it's about dealing with my mother 24-7, when I am
changing sheets and night clothes, when I am having to sterilize her entire
room every morning; when I am dropping everything to stop her from doing
something awful, eating her hearing aid, causing herself some injury, keeping
her from choking on her food, blowing
her nose in her clothes, throwing up on the carpet, going to the bathroom but
not going in the bathroom; yeah, that's really a test of my patience!
Look, we already know that I'm flawed...deeply
flawed. So what are we doing here testing
me? Is it just for kicks and giggles
that you gotta rub it in? I'm
sorry. I mean no disrespect. I accept that this is not my forte. I am horrible at this caregiver thing. I am learning as I go but I don't have it in
me to be good at it. I know this. I acknowledge it. I could tell you stories and cite examples
but of course you already know. This is
all so stressful and as I am told over and over, stress kills.
What? WHAT?! Are you just waiting to see how long it will
take to get me to crack?! What
then? Who takes care of Mom then? Look, she's almost 99 years old. Oh yeah, sorry, you know that. I don't need to remind you. So she deserves a nice peaceful life and not
have someone pestering her to eat her veggies, drink some water, do this and
don't do that. I feel awful about
telling her what to do every minute. But
without me reminding her to move, she just sits in one spot shuffling her
placemat back and forth on the counter. So
what's the purpose with that? Oh, and as
long as we're on the subject of purpose, what's up with my purpose? I'd really like to know because every time I
get focused on one thing, one direction, one path I get diverted. My days are crazy enough without constant
changes, challenges, and upheavals. Oh,
sorry. I don't mean to complain. No, no I mean I'm really grateful to you for
all you have given me. It's just that I
can't seem to see the direction all this is going and why.
What's that? Huh?
Ohhhh. You mean that I don't need
to figure this out alone, that we're partners in this. Just trust in you. I remember now. Trust that it is all good. Okay.
So what you're saying is to allow this to happen and the purpose will
reveal itself at the right time. Hmm. I think I understand. I don't need to appreciate or even know
the plan. Just like I don't need to know
why the sun shines and the Earth rotates on its axis. I just trust that it will continue and it's
all good.
Okay, Yeah. I guess that makes me feel a
little better knowing that you're in charge. I'm not alone here. No, come to think of it, actually it makes me
feel a lot better...a whole lot better! Wow, I...I feel like a heavy weight was just
lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks God. Good talk. We can discuss mosquitoes and
ticks some other time.
