Slap-in-the-face Reminder

It was a lovely morning.  The sun was warm on our faces as my mother and I took a walk outside.  Our driveway circles the front of the house then turns to a large pad on the side of the house. This  allows for a good walk circling around without need for too much repetition.    The flowers were blooming along the borders that gave my mother reason to pause and admire the buds and profusion of colors.  My dog, Kira was straining at the leash to continue on our walk and so I left Mom bending over the marigolds.  I glanced back over my shoulder watching to assure myself that she was safe.  She was deadheading the recently bloomed Irises.  I rounded the side yard and approached Mom.  She stood up and smiled broadly.  "Isn't it a beautiful day?" she asked rhetorically.  Sun and flowers.  Blue sky.  dry, light air.  Gentle breeze.  I could understand why she was happy.  Inside the house, the TV blared some inane game show.  I could feel how the change of scenery brightened her mood.  Her childlike enthusiasm was infectious.  I felt uplifted.  Nature is therapeutic.  We spent a half an hour enjoying the morning.  There was little conversation, just a few pleasantries...the weather, the color of the sky, how pretty the flowers were.  I noticed how much my mother was in the moment.  She was appreciating the things that most of us never notice.  She was the perfect embodiment of the expression, 'taking time to stop and smell the roses'.  I took a deep (emotional) breath realizing how all of our lives are spent rushing.  We rush to grow up, to get a job, to make deadlines, to have families, to stay on schedules, to get to appointments, to arrive at events.  We overlook so much as we do so.  Perhaps that is what old age is all about.  It provides time to reflect, to notice what we have missed, and to remind us of those things we enjoyed when we were children.  It was such a good example of the circle of life.

When it was time to go back inside I felt refreshed and ready to tackle a sink full of dirty dishes.  About an hour went by and I looked at my mother.  She was still smiling.  I realized I was smiling too.  It felt good...in fact it felt great!  I wanted this feeling to last. 

I wish that the smiles could remain but a few minutes later I was correcting Mom and the frown was back on my face.  "Don't put your used Kleenex on the table." "Stop pulling the yarn on your sweater. You're tearing it."  

Don't...No...put that away....Stop...

Angry words.  Commands. 

 

I took a moment.  I saw Mom's face.  The smile had disappeared.  I was saddened.  I was too busy to go back outside but I wanted to bring back the smile.  I did the next best thing.  I sat down next to her and looked deeply in her eyes  and told her,  "I love you, Mom."  The smile spread on her face and her eyes lit up.  My own mood changed as though something had shifted inside.  I actually felt a physical change in my chest like it was making more room for my heart.

It was a slap-in-the-face reminder.  I need to pay more attention to how I am feeling.  My mother reflects it back at me if I should overlook it. We are so tied together--our moods, our expressions, our feelings.  I resolved to work harder to bring the sunshine indoors.  I will do this with smiles, kindness and loving words.  I will remember to open myself and allow my heart to expand. 

Immediately the room fills with sunshine.