10/24
I arose from too little sleep to the aroma of freshly brewed
coffee. My day was beginning too early
but the coffee beckoned me with a warm and welcoming fragrance that assured me
that my world would be brighter with a jolt of caffeine. Sipping from my mug, I began to take stock of
my circumstances, my attitude, my inner and outer environment, and my emotional
state. I waited. There was nothing noteworthy. Everything was status quo. Aside from a dull headache that I attributed
to lack of sleep, I felt fine. Nothing
hurt, nothing bothered me. My attitude was neutral. The room was neither too hot nor too cold. I was in the moment and there was nothing to
report...nothing to note. I continued to
sit, to wait, to explore.
NOPE...Nothing! It was like I was
in meditative block (like writer's block, only more philosophical). My brain was quiet. My inner voice was silent.
I was struck by the peacefulness of this state of
being. How restful it was not to be
thinking of anything at all. I enjoyed
the quiet as I drank my coffee...my rich, warm coffee. It was such a pleasure to sit without being accosted by the blaring
television and burdened by negative morning news. I closed my eyes and floated in this state of
blissful being...just sitting and doing nothing, totally detached from
everything. It only lasted a short while
but it was luxurious, decadent, self-indulgent and wonderful. Too soon, footsteps signaled that my mother was
awake and needing assistance; my husband was ready to take the dog out; it was
time to prepare breakfast. Too soon the
sounds of the morning activity intruded my inner sanctum with the urgency of
beeping alarms to announce that the toast was ready, that the microwave had
heated something, that an email had arrived on my computer. Too soon, the room was filled with
faces...people that needed, wanted, love, laughed, enjoyed, shared, and
emoted. I changed my focus to them and
felt the moment shift to the deep commitment I had made to be part of their
lives. Detachment is only good for a
moment. It allows me to revive, renew, and refresh. But the need to be tethered to a family and
to a purpose is very strong in me. I took
a deep energizing breath--a yoga breath, the kind that fills the body from top
to bottom, and began my day with a certain resolve that clearly held the traces
of gratitude.
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