Grilled Grandma

It has been a while since I have posted a blog.  Perhaps it is because I didn't have anything to say that was fit for publishing.  We hit the 'Dog Days of Summer' early this year, and it has put everyone in a grumpy mood.  Mom has been worse than usual (if there is such a thing as usual).  Certainly, the slow progression of her Alzheimer's makes EVERYTHING worse.  Mom has become more and more apt to act out negatively when she 'perceives' that we are out to get her.  From asking her to sit down on the automated chair lift, to putting on her nightgown at bedtime she is just as likely to scream and pound her fists in derision as to comply.  I feel like we are always walking on eggshells.  If there can possibly be anything uglier than what we have experienced thus far, this is it!  She has hit me, yelled at me, thrown things, and threatened me in violent outbursts.  Five minutes later she is docile and sweet. As I experience these changes I am also noticing some physical changes.  While the elderly tend to be cold all of the time and require a sweater or heat when the rest of us are uncomfortably warm, my mother has graduated to FREEZING.  So, back to the earlier comment about 'Dog Days of Summer' that implies that the heat and humidity have hit us; we have been hiding inside during the day because of the unusually high heat indexes.  The other day the thermometer registered 101 degrees and that wasn't even taking into account the humidity factor that made it feel a great deal hotter.  The Meteorologists on the local news stations warned of taking care of our pets and children and to check on the elderly. Clearly they don't know my mother!  From 8:30 AM Mom insisted on sitting outside on the screened porch which we let her do since it was only a mere 82 degrees at the time.  However, as the sun began to rise higher in the sky and the temperatures began to soar, we urged her to come inside.  She had no interest in complying with our wishes and when we insisted she became belligerent.   I tempted her with food and that moved her inside momentarily but soon she was headed back to the door.
"No, Mom.  It's too hot outside," I told her.  "Why don't you come sit in the family room and watch TV?  Within five minutes of sitting in the slightly cooler family room she announced, "It's FREEZING in here!"  Mom walked back outside to bake in the hot mid-day temperatures. I glanced at the thermometer.  It was 92 degrees and climbing.  By 1:00 I insisted that she come inside but that's when Mom decided to take a nap and there was no waking her.  I watched from inside the family room as she alternated cat-napping and rocking.  I tried again to coax her inside but she was adamant that she wanted to remain outside.  I checked her for heat stroke and decided that she was still okay so I left her for another half hour.  It was somewhat like cooking chicken on the grill.  She wasn't quite done yet so I left her on the grill for another few minutes.  When I came back a few minutes later and poked her, she was well done and grilled to perfection.  "It's time you come inside," I told her with a no-nonsense voice.  When she protested loudly I told her that she couldn't stay outside any longer...."People are dying in this heat!"  She looked around as if to spot others who were sitting outside and then back at me like I was crazy.
"It's not hot," she announced.
"It's a thousand degrees!" I corrected while silently excusing myself for embellishing the facts.
"Oh," she said not terribly impressed with this new information.
She stood up, grabbed her walker, and followed me inside.  I watched her take a full turn around the house.  Her walking path went from back door to kitchen to hallway, to front of entry, then looped back to the back door.  Mom had one hand on the back door when I called out, "NOOOOOO!  Stay inside."
Mom ignored me and tugged on the door.  "You're gonna kill yourself!" I warned.  Mom blinked at me in confusion.  "It's too hot," I clarified.
"Oh." She said, and then without understanding , she walked back outside.
I followed her out and turned the overhead fan up a notch to High.  Mom immediately shouted, "It's FREEZING" and I turned it back to low.

A little later I tried another approach.  I took some ice cream outside to help her cool off.  She ate it up greedily. I thought that put her in a good enough mood to get her inside but when I attempted to help her get up she pushed me away.  "I'm fine," she said with a slight slur.  "Just put the white ryan."  She gestured towards the screen.  Her aphasia had kicked in and so there was no telling what she was saying. I wondered if the heat was worsening the problem.  Maybe her brains were baking. I pictured the last few functioning brain cells sizzling in the heat. This was not healthy and I told her so.  That was too much for her and she told me to "Shut up!'  That was Alzheimer's Brain for sure.  She had never told me that in my entire life!  I walked back inside with a heavy sigh.

Right now, as I write this, the temperature on the screened porch is 100 degrees.  Mom is rocking lazily and staring at the trees.  She has been sitting out there for hours.  I have brought her water, which she refuses to drink. I have tried to physically remove her from her chair and she has protested loudly.  I have tried to bribe her with sweet treats inside. "Maybe later," she has told me.  I have even offered to take her upstairs to her room (something she always wants but never gets during the day, since it will only encourage her to stay up there and sleep all day and then not sleep at night.)

Perhaps I will go back outside now and offer a basting brush with some bar-b-que sauce since she is clearly going for Grilled Grandma of the Year.  While I'm at it I might as well don a prison suit since I will undoubtedly be arrested for elder abuse.